Is It Him Or Just The Idea Of Him?

Have you ever considered whether you like someone for who they REALLY are or whether it’s just the IDEA of what they represent that is attracting you?

So the question is – is it the idea of him that I am obsessed with, in love with, attached to?

Because we will have created a story – an idea about this person – what that person represents to us.

We will project our idea or story onto them and this is what we’ll see.

And based on the projection, we create expectations, and when those expectations aren’t met we feel disappointed.

Here’s how this has played out for me over the last 10 years in my last 3 long term relationships. One of those was my marriage and the other two were just whiskers away from the same.

Prior to meeting these men that I’ve been deeply in love with, I had an idea of what I was looking for in a partner.

An idea of what I wanted the ideal relationship to be. And I projected that idea onto them (unknowingly at the time).

So in the beginning they were able to satisfy that idea…they met the expectations and were the epitome of my projection. And then over time, the story I created about them being my ideal partner began to crumble.

Because it was simply that. A story.

It wasn’t reality.

I wasn’t seeing them for who they REALLY were. What I’d done was put a screen in front of them which I had projected my own stories and ideas about what I WANTED them to be. About what I thought they COULD be and what I thought the RELATIONSHIP could look like with them.

I projected that onto a screen – so to speak – in front of them and that screen stood for a while until that person’s own selfness started to crack that screen, so that projection started to crumble and what I began to see was the REAL person behind that screen that I had created.

And that story started to fade.

So when they didn’t end up satisfying all those ideas and expectations I felt very disappointed and let down.

At the end of the day, they had done nothing wrong.

In fact, this is a normal part of life – this is how we construct our reality every single day.

We project ideas and stories out into our external environment as we are trying to make that model, that tangible model ‘out there’, fit the idea in our mind.

What is helpful is if we can clearly see what’s going on and the stories we’re telling ourselves.

Then we choose to see who the other person really is seperate from the story that we’re making up to do with this person.

A lot of this has to do with what’s familiar to us. So there will perhaps be something about this person that feels familiar, there’ll be some qualities, some traits, there’ll be something about this person that creates a level of familiarity and that’s why we end up having an attraction and in the end, Attachment to this person.

The idea or the story that we’ve created about them isn’t really about them…often what it’s really about is something unresolved in ourselves, usually from our own childhood. Our inner child is looking to have some part of us nurtured. A part that wasn’t nurtured when we were a child and we’re hoping that this person now, who we’ve projected a story onto can fulfill that for us NOW.

We can then begin to see is it really about him? Or is it just a story related to a part of ourselves that is unresolved that we are trying to heal.

Want some extra help with this? Sign up for my FREE Mini Course and get started today.

With love

Sarah xo



Learn the 7 Step Formula for attracting your Soul-Mate. Reveal your hidden love fears that stop you from finding true love and rebalance your feminine and masculine energy, to stop repelling men.


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As seen in
Instagram post 2170116817347232908_1688634438 ‘We need to have the love of starting with the discipline of finishing’ - @marieforleo .
A perfect reminder, as this is something I have typically struggled with.  I have so many ideas which I’m great at starting but then fail to keep the momentum going and stick with them 💃. .
Big thanks to @businesschicks for putting on a great event last week ❤️🙏.
Instagram post 2110038789586226099_1688634438 Now is the time. Don’t wait a moment longer to become who you know you are destined to be. We must let go of all the ideas of who we think we ‘should’ be, in order to step into the possibility of becoming who we could be. Let’s do it together 😌❤️x
Instagram post 2082339406950638347_1688634438 It’s so easy to worry about what others think of us and interesting how rarely we believe they’re thinking nice things about us!
I’ve recently taken to reminding myself that what happens in other people’s minds is actually none of my business. Whether they think nicely or otherwise about me is completely out of my control...
Worrying about something I can’t change is a waste of time and energy. Instead I prefer to focus on my own thoughts about myself. Because these are the ones that matter most and I can always change them! .
Sx ❤️
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Instagram post 2075802097887383456_1688634438 So often I make things waaayyy more complicated than they need to be!
So I’m practicing letting everything be easy and taking the path of least resistance.
This is taking some time for my mind to reprogram and allow life to be easeful every moment. But I’m committed! 👊
Instagram post 2074412155261077908_1688634438 Continuing to get out of my own way by letting go rather than holding on, pushing or driving is a continual lesson that I keep on learning.
My latest manifestation of this was a moment a week or so ago of inspiration to do a Masters in the US. It was super last minute with the course starting in 8 weeks. I had to work really hard to get my application and all the associated bits and pieces rushed through. I was exhausted. This should have been enough of a red flag for me! But taurean determination 😳 kicked in and wanted to give it everything. Having done and given it all I had, I surrendered the outcome to the Universe... and got knocked back! I didn’t get in. All that efforting and energy spent pushing uphill for the last week and a half. .
It is clear to me now that I’m actually already on the right path doing what I’m doing right here in sleepy Byron Bay 😌 and there was no need to ‘do’ anything else other than simply keep being present in the here and now.
It’s clear to me AGAIN - that when things are right they’re EASY! And that my pushing, blocks the natural flow of energy that is already right here in this very moment.
Warm hugs, Sarah ❤️xo
Instagram post 2062017934847768958_1688634438 Hi 👋 I’m Sarah. I’ve been finding it hard lately to articulate what I do when people ask me since I do a number of things. And I’ve been thinking long and hard about what I really value and what Living A Brave Life stands for. So I thought I’d give it a shot today. .
Connection, Courage, Curiosity. This is the mantra of Living A Brave Life. As a Soul-Connector and Meditation teacher, I help others to develop a healthy relationship with themselves so they can have fulfilling relationships with others. In an increasingly disconnected world; anxiety, loneliness and feelings of isolation are becoming more common. These symptoms of 'disconnection' block the energy with ourselves, stopping us from connecting with others. Through whole hearted relational coaching and mind mastery meditation, I take people on the journey back to their true selves. Fusing the best of Science & Spirituality, either one on one or in small group workshops, I've had the privilege of working with people all over the world in helping them to live a brave life.
Hope that makes it a bit clearer! 🤗❤️
Instagram post 1987675979557126173_1688634438 This lovely book by @akalpritam is a beautifully illustrated heart felt guide to peace and happiness 💕 pick one up @taigarose if you’re in Byron.
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Instagram post 1980869925028678517_1688634438 Freedom isn’t something you get from outside. 
It’s liberation from within...freeing yourself from your old thought patterns and behaviours. 
Now that’s true freedom 🙏❤️
#livingabravelife #meditation #freedom #truth #wisdom #spiritual #buddhism #yoga #universe #byronbay #quoteoftheday #sunday
Instagram post 1978007254751189759_1688634438 Learn to meditate with me in Byron Bay.  DM for details 💕
#meditation #byronbay #spirituality #wisdom #truth #buddhism #universe #love #livingabravelife
Instagram post 1976443033240442348_1688634438 Monday #inspiration 😍 @byron_beach_abodes .
#byronbay #love #weekendvibes #universe #bethechange #wisdom #truth #spirituality #livingabravelife
Instagram post 1967404728347677863_1688634438 Join me in this lovely space @thenimbusco in Byron Bay on Wednesday at 5.15pm for a 45min guided Meditation class 💕

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